Misplaced Soul
by loving-reader-and-writer
Summary: Mae always felt like she didn't fit in that is until her baby brother was born. He made things feel right only for that solace to be ripped away when he died, but before he died he told her something, made her promise him that she would do what he asked. she never could say no to him. So she jumped and just like he said she felt like she belonged. She belonged with the Winchesters.
1. Chapter 1

**Misplaced** **soul**

"Mae…. MAE!" The young boy in the hospital bed called out urgently and as she always does when she hears his voice the girl comes running. Mea was at her little brother's side within moments her hand smoothing over his overly long hair. Oh how she loved to tease him for it, but she wouldn't change it for the world.

"I'm here Benny boy, I'm here" she coos softly as she bends over the side of the hospital bed to hear him better. At the age of ten Benny was dieing and they all knew it, but her parents didn't want to believe it. They weren't ready. Their parents just stepped out to get some dinner, they knew it was pointless to ask Mae to leave. She never left his side, even took her high school classes online in order to always be by his side.

It's been a nine-year battle with cancer he was only a year old when he was diagnosed with throat cancer. The cancer went into remission a couple years after that, then it was a cancerous tumor and after that when he was 9 it was lung cancer. Mae was only ten at the time but she vowed to always be there for her baby brother from the moment he was born, she would protect him and be the best big sister ever. At 19 she has kept that vow to the best of her ability.

"I have to tell you something Mae-bear," the cherub faced boy smiles softly up at her, she smiles back at hearing his name for her. "I'm close, it won't be long now." Maes smile falls just a little her eyes tearing. she knew this was coming he told her months ago that he was ready, that his body couldn't fight anymore. The teen cried, but she understood that he was telling her because he knew that he was her world and needed time to accept it. Ben didn't want to leave her broken when he finally moved on. "The voices are louder now… I can hear them, they are loud." she furrow's her brow concerned, opening her mouth ready to speak, ben is quick to assure her. "It doesn't hurt don't worry."

"What are they saying now, are they still nice?" Mae asks. He told her about the voices last week she was scared at first, but her brother didn't seem to be afraid so when he asked her not to tell their parents she didn't. They wouldn't understand anyway. Her only concern was Benny and his comfort. The voices comforted him. He never told her what they said only that they were nice to him. He nods his head his raven hair shaking with the movement a stark contrast to his grey tinged skin. "Good, good" he coughs hard she rubs the center of his chest to help ease the pain until the fit is over.

After a moment of catching his breath he looks back at her and pats the bed softly, Mae climbs into bed next to him in a single smooth motion come from years of skillfully avoiding cords and monitors. her 5ft8in frame fit depressingly easy next to her frail little brother in the small pediatric bed. Ben lays his head on her shoulder as her arms automatically go around him. He begins to speak softly next to her ear.

"Mea-Bear, you have to promise to do something, after I'm gone…. will you promise" his tone is pleading his little fingers clutching her loose shirt. "Anything for you Benny, you know that" she assures him. She can feel the quark of his lips against her shoulder. "you know you told me that …the only place. You feel right is with me?" he waits for her to nod. "I know where you will feel right…I know where you are supposed to be. I heard the voices talking about it, they didn't know I was listening" His voice tinged with excitement at finally knowing he is giving his sister good news.

"What are you talking about Ben?" Mae asks completely confused not really knowing what to ask or where this is going. He gives her a look that clearly says _'Shut up I'm about to tell you.'_ She lets out a huff but dutifully closes her mouth and lets her little brother talk. He points to his note book beside his bed indicating she should grab it.

"I drew it in there… you have to…." He falters for a moment thinking of the exact wording. "fall from the barren edge, pure of worldly poss..pos..possessions, and covered...in..in blood" he shrugs "well that's not the same way they said the ending but… the picture was in my head… you have to draw the pictures on yourself….in blood" the young boy scrunches his nose. Mea is frozen baffled and a bit grossed out. She opened his book one handed and looks at a couple of pages a few stuck figures drawn and symbols drawn around the edges with arrows pointing to where they should be drawn on the body.

"what is this supposed to do Benny?" she asks skeptically not really believing this however she also couldn't reason why he would make something like this up or even if he could. Using a word like barren and worldly possessions isn't exactly his usually vocabulary.

"it will take you to where you are supposed to be. The voices say that you weren't supposed to be born here." He starts to cough, all this talking aggravating his lungs, Mae sits up with him rubbing circles on his chest in an effort to soothe his body racking coughs. He falls back onto her chest; they lay in silence for long minutes. "you promised… you said anything" he begs fearfully he just knows that this is good that this is what will make her happy, his big sister deserves to be happy. She did everything for him with their parents having to work to pay the medical bills Mae stayed at the hospital with him or at home with him since she was a freshman in high school. Mea was his mama bear, but Mae said that he couldn't call her mama so he called her Mea-bear.

"okay, shh..shh I promise Benny boy." He looked up at her and she at him. She felt his body relaxing melting into her warm embrace. His eyes meet hers and she can see something in his eyes, they're so bright almost luminescent, he takes a breath in. "trust me, I love you Mae-bear…" his hand lessens its grip on her shirt his head falling into the crook of her neck she can feel her tears on her face as she holds him rocking them both gently side to side and felt his tiny breaths on her neck. Mae felt more than she heard him say with a tiny smile on his lips "Mama-bear" and with that last breath her heart broke into a million pieces. She tightened her arms around him burring her head in his long hair taking in the last scents of her beloved brother as she weeps.


	2. Chapter 2 the Preperation

**Misplaced soul**

 **Chapter two**

 **The prep**

It's been two weeks since Ben died and Mea was sitting at her computer desk, staring at the little stick drawings, still thinking about what he said, his words playing over and over in her head.

 _"_ _you have to fall from the barren edge, pure of worldly possessions, and covered in blood" "it will take you to where you are supposed to be. The voices say that you weren't supposed to be born here."_

 _"_ _you weren't supposed to be born here."_

 _"_ _you weren't supposed to be born here."_

She was going through the motions of her life still taking online college classes that she no longer cared about. How could she bring herself to read more about anatomy and medical mumbo jumbo when she just lost the only person in her whole life who made her feel true happiness. The boy that brought her life meaning. She always thought of him as the other piece of her, she heard someone say once that soul mates aren't always romantic interests they could be best friends and even siblings. If that was true, then maybe Ben was her soul mate the other piece of her. Now that he was gone she felt even more empty than she did before he was born, like his death took more from her. Ben took a piece of her with him when he took his last breath.

" _you weren't supposed to be born here."_

Mea made a decision in that moment. Ripping open her laptop she went to her collage account and disenrolled in her classes sending an email to each of her professors apologizing and informing them that she would not be continuing with her classes. Closing the laptop, she made her way downstairs and into the living room, her parents took a few weeks off work to grieve and to care for her. They were worried because it had taken them at least a half hour to get her to let go of her brother and another 2 hours to calm her down. She took a deep breath and sat across from her parents, they looked up at her.

"Mom, Dad I need time to myself, time to go and find who I am without Benny." Mea said while her parents looked at her surprised and confused. She didn't realize that she looked more relaxed than she had in a long time. Her choice bringing her a sense of purpose. She continued before they could say anything. "I'm going to take a road trip, I'm just going to get a bus ticked or something and keep going until I find myself, I'll stop when I do." She smiled slightly teary eyed.

"Pardon...I don't know what to say Mae, what about school? How will you pay for food and hotels? We don't have any money to give you?" her mother said after gathering herself after her daughter's abrupt announcement. All their money has been to support Bens treatments. She worried for her little girl. Mae was always more motherly to ben than she was, she couldn't be she had to make sure that he got the medical treatment he needed. She always hated that doing what was best for her boy meant her girl had to grow up just that bit faster.

"how will you keep yourself safe?" her father asked rubbing his wife's back as she slowly worked herself into another bout of tears. Mae sighed, her parents really didn't know her anymore, she didn't blame them, it wasn't their fault they did what they had to for her and for ben. It still hurt a little that they didn't notice she had been taking more than just academic classes.

"Dad, I've been taking boxing, MMA, and women's self-defense at the gym near the hospital since I was 13, Benny's first nurses brother works there he let me go there for free." She informed her father with a fond smile for the nurse and her brother. The nurse noticed that she was there all the time and said that she needed some more activity in her life she at first suggest running or gymnastics but when Mea heard that her brother did fighting techniques Mae had perked up. The nurse set it up for her right away and Mea took to it like a fish to water.

"I've got a little money and I'll do odd jobs or whatever, I'll make it don't worry and I'll send letters all the time, I mean you won't be able to send any back but you will know where I am and that I'm ok. I'm 19 now you can't stop me, I just need to do this. "Her voice tight with determination. She was surprised when her parents just nodded sadly and pulled her into a tight hug. She felt her mother's tears on her shoulder and her father's grip tight and strong around her back. She pulled back "I'll go pack now, I'll leave tomorrow" they nodded again

"okay Mea just…just be careful. I don't even know why I'm letting you go but I can see that you have made up your mind" her father told her softly. Her mother adding "Yes, I'd rather you leave with our blessing than leave unhappy with us." Mea smiled and ran back up the stairs, it was going to be a long night.

Her first step in her plan was to pack all her cloths, that's all she would need to make this look like she was really going on a road trip. Her next step was to write as many letters as she could before 8am tomorrow, letters to her parents. Each letter with a different date and alternating between 5 pens. It was crazy, she was insane, she was going to do what she promised her little brother she would. If this ritual does what she suspects, then she will never see her parents again never talk to them.

 _"_ _you weren't supposed to be born here."_

It surprised Mea that she didn't feel worse about it, she was leaving them letters after all. She would leave them at a post office in California with instructions to send one every month. Mea was going to the sunset cliffs in san Diego California a day and a half drive away from her home in Louisiana, if she didn't stop at all.

 _"_ _you have to fall from the barren edge, pure of worldly possessions, and covered in blood"_

Finally, she was finished writing 22 letters it only took her 6 hours. Her hand was cramping from all the writing but it was worth it so her parents won't worry about her at least not for 22 months anyway. Mea crawled into bed for the night. Her mind free of its earlier turmoil. Soon she would fulfill her crazy unbelievable promise to her sweet little brother. As she dropped off into dreamless sleep her last thought was that she was utterly insane.

 **AN: okay this is my first ever supernatural fanfic and I'm excited to have it underway. I have a rough plan for this story. I am trying to keep it cannon compliant or well at least alongside the show. Locations and drives and keep it believable in the supernatural world. Supernatural wiki has been a great site to help me out in getting the info I need and it doesn't have it then it gives me a good place to start. They have episode transcripts there which is a super help! So please review tell me what you thing tell me what I got wrong and what I got right just let me know your thoughts.**


	3. Chapter 3 travel and the cliff part 1

Misplaced soul

travel and the cliff

Chapter 3 part one

Mae awoke with the sun across her face, a refreshing feeling of purpose filling her. She still felt that she was totally insane for doing this, but if felt right. After finishing her morning routine of stretches, pushups and other various maintenance exercises she showered. Steam wafting of her freshly showered skin as she enters the cool room putting on the bathing suit and jeans and t shirt she set out the previous night.

Her parents were waiting for her in the kitchen with breakfast on the table. They took the day off to see her to the bus station. Mea smiled widely at them dropping her brown backpack by the chair and digging into the warm meal. Her mom didn't cook often, but when she did it was chef quality. The three of them talked and reminisced about Ben sadly and fondly even after the food was long finished. Mea glanced at the clock.

"Oh, crap! If we don't leave now, I'll miss the bus." Her parents jump to their feet all three rushing to the car. No one spoke on the way there, none of them knew what to say. Mea watched the world go by through the window the same window that she stared out on every trip to the hospital, to every checkup and every bad news doctor. She loved long car trips some of her greatest memories with Ben are from the car trip that the family went on after his only remission when he was 8. It over road every bad reason for being in a car.

Their parents took a week off to drive to as many famous sites as they could before they had to go back. Most of the time they spent in the car playing eye spy, cards and spinning tales of adventure and wonder. Ben loved to tell her about the dreams he had every night and then they would build a story around it. Her favorite was the one of two brothers who saved a little boy from a monster that was trying to eat him. Ben said his dream started with two guys in a black car that growled and it turned into kids in a hospital then a monster in a black hooded robe bent over a boys bed ready to eat him but the brothers shot him. When Mea asked why he thought they were brothers he answered that one of the men called the other little brother. By the end of their story they decided that the monster was one of the doctors and he was eating kids so he could live longer. Mea smiled at the fond memory.

So lost in thought she hadn't even noticed that they were in front of the bus station. she picked up her ticket from the window and went back to her parents they hugged repetitively until the final call for the bus. "We will miss you baby girl, be safe" her dad said her mom nodding teary eyed. "I will try my best." Mea said before running to the bus and finding a seat. They waved to each other as it pulled away. Hugging her bag to herself after some time she dozed off the rocking of the bus lulling her into a light sleep. She dreamt of the story her and her brother created. She idly wondered if the men in her dream looked like the ones in Bens dream.

Mea got off the bus at the major rest stops grabbed a meal and snacks when she could, changed when she began to feel dirty, and kept looking over Bennies notebook. After two transfers she was finally close, just a 20-minute ride on the American plaza trolley to towards the beach and a 40-minute walk through the neighborhood to the cliffs to go. The open air trolley was a welcome change to the stale air of the busses, she breathed deeply in and out. Mea had long since stripped down to her bikini top that she had put on in preparation for the heat and jeans. The trolley came to a stop she stood up her bag firmly on her back, water bottle in hand, ready for her long walk. As she stepped down she gave a tentative smile to the cute surfer that had been very obviously checking her out most of the ride. He however stayed on the trolley.

She walked mostly in solitude the occasional car went by or kids on their bikes, but otherwise she was alone in her thoughts. It was 10:00 in the morning and she hadn't had very good sleep sitting up or slumped over her bag, even so the walk was invigorating. She enjoyed the long walk, the fresh air, all the houses and kids playing in yards, the complete newness of everything around her. Finally, she reached the end of Osprey street and was staring off the cliff.

The crash of the waves against the rocks was rhythmic and soothing she stared out into the water the sun bright and warm on her pale skin. Mea had soft porcelain colored skin, understandable with how much time she spent in doors over the last 9 years. She smiled and sat down soaking up the sun. it was much too early to do the ritual she couldn't risk being seen that would be embarrassing. Plus, she figured she could use some color. There was such a beauty about the cliff and a peacefulness that permeated the air. Though, maybe that was due to what she planned on doing tonight.


End file.
